its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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