I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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