just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
