your parents love me but you hate me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
