Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
