I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
