I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
