I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
