i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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