TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
