Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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