addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
