Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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