now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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