Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize