"it" just moved
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
