Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
