I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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