Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
