i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
