Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
