is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
there's paper in my vomit.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
