my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
