They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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