I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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