apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
