You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm really busy with my period
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