i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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