sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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