DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
