i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
