I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
