the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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