I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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