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• (848): View more from New Jersey

  life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"

  (1-478): View more from Georgia

  And thats what homeschooling is for

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it was like getting a handjob from robocop

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• (206): View more from Washington

  At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.

  (941): View more from Florida

  it was a krispy kreme

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.

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• (408): View more from California

  Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"

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• (425): View more from Washington

  My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.

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