She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
