i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
