Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
