This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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