sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
