Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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