This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
