these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
