i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
