you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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