My brain says no but my pants say off.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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