Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor

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(915): View more from Texas

Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.

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(253): View more from Washington

I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.

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