I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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