i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
