I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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