Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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