somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
