i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
