there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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