I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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