toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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