I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
