Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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