Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
