this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
