When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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