I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
