Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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