somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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