Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
