He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
