i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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