Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
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Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
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I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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