after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
