he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
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Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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